In true Duby fashion, I am writing a blog late at night, when I should be asleep, and have to wake up early, go figure.

Also true to my normal fashion, I have been mulling this post over in my head for the past few days, and then read something which pretty much totally said exactly what I was going to say, but a lot better and in a lot less words.

Our churches are filled with people who outwardly look contented and at peace but inwardly are crying out for someone to love them . . . just as they are - confused, frustrated, often frightened, guilty and often unable to communicate even within their own families. But the other people in the church look so happy and contented that one seldom has the courage to admit his own deep needs before such a self-sufficient group as the average church meeting appears to be ~ Keith Miller

I'm not sure where the quote originated from, but it is one of the opening quotes for a book called "Messy Spirituality" by Michael Yaconelli, and the book is amazing, you need to check it out.

Anyone who's ridden in my car before can attest to the fact that I'm a messy guy, and I'm going to admit right now that my spiritual life is the same. I'm seriously all over the place with questions and doubts (especially doubts) and I've decided I'm no longer going to put up a facade.

I have doubts about God and Christianity. I honestly have doubts about God's love, his involvement in the world, and at some times if God even truly exists. I'm sick of forced smiles and small talk, and I'm sick of the same old boxed answers, even the ones I've given a hundred times before.

So now its officially out there, I'm a mess, and it brings me hope.