I swear I'm not gonna type this whole book...

I promise... maybe. But this totally resonated with where I am right now I had to share it.

...It was New York's Late Senator Daniel Moynihan who said, "Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions, but no one is entitled to his or her own facts." Religion cannot hide from truth by seeking to accumulate its own facts. How, we need to as, can the heart be warmed if the mind is violated? Will the heart worship what the mind rejects? Hardly, unless the fear of nothingness creates hysteria that in turn replaces all rationality. The other side of this equation, however, is that the heart will not tolerate emptiness forever. It is, therefore, that human sense of emptiness that forces the mind to break new ground, to open new possibilities and to develop new alternatives. The spiritual reality we seek in this postmodern world cannot be achieved without enlightened minds, but it will also never be discovered without warm hearts. That is what drives us, I believe, to learn new ways in which to worship God with both heart and mind.¹ Before we can do that, however we must first be willing to allow our minds to destroy any formulation from the past that no longer works. There is something secure about the fantasy of unexamined truth, or a life that is so closed that it will not step beyond yesterday's human explanations, yet no God is well served who is not seriously questioned. We must face that fact openly and directly.

1. That is totally me right now till after this part. But I don't think I'm totally inline with the next sentence, but I also think the reason I'm not there is because of the truth in the next sentence. This should be quite the journey.

The Lament of a Believer in Exile

So I was at Barnes and Noble picking up a book I had on hold, when I came across the book "Jesus for the Non-Religious" by John Shelby Spong. Sounded interesting so I started reading the preface, and wasn't sure about it, then I came to the prologue, a poem by the author entitled The Lament of a Believer in Exile:

Ah, Jesus!
   Where have you gone?
       When did we lose you?
Was it when we became so certain that we possessed you
   That we persecuted Jews,
       Excommunicated doubters,
           Burned Heretics,
               And used violence and war to achieve conversion?
Was it when out first-century images
   Collided with expanding knowledge?
Or when biblical scholars informed us that the Bible does
   Not really support what we once believed?
Was it when we watched your followers distorting people
   With guilt,
       Fear,
           Bigotry,
               Intolerance,
                   And anger?
Was it when we noticed that many who called you Lord
   And who read their Bibles regularly
       Also practiced slavery,
           Defended segregation,
               Approved lynching,
                   Abused children,
                       Diminished women,
                           And hated homosexuals?
Was it when we finally realized
   That the Jesus who promised abundant life
       Could not be the source of self-hatred,
           Or one who encourages us to grovel
               In life-destroying penitence?
Was it when it dawned on us that serving you would require
   The surrender of those security-building prejudices
       That masquerade as our sweet sicknesses?

We still yearn for you, Jesus, but we no longer know where
   To seek your presence.
Do we look for you in those churches that practice certainty?
Or are you hiding in those churches
   That so fear controversy that they make "unity" a god,
       And stand for so little that they die of boredom?
Can you ever be found in those churches that have
   Rejected the powerless and the marginalized,
       The lepers and the Samaritans of our day,
           Those you called out brothers and sisters?
Or must we now look for you outside ecclesiastical setting,
   Where love and kindness expect no reward,
       Where question are viewed as the deepest
           Expressions of trust?

Is it even possible, Jesus, that we Christians are the villains
  Who killed you?
        Smothering you underneath literal Bibles,
               Dated creeds,
                   Irrelevant doctrines,
                       And dying structures?
If these things are the source of your disapearance, Jesus,
  Will you then reemerge if these things are removed?
       Will that bring resurrection?
Or were you, as some now suggest, never more
   Than an illusion?
By burying and distorting you were we
   Simply protecting ourselves
       From having to face that realization?

I still seek to possess what I believe you are, Jesus:
   Access to and embodiment of
       The source of Love,
           The ground of Being,
               A doorway into the mystery of holiness.

It is through that doorway I desire to walk.
   Will you meet me there?
       Will you challenge me,
           Guide me,
               Confront me,
                   Reveal your truth to me and in me?

Finally, at the end of this journey, Jesus,
   Will you embrace me
       Inside the ultimate reality
           That I call God
               In whom I live
                   And move
                       And having my being?
For that, Jesus, is my goal in this book.

Thoughts?

In true Duby fashion, I am writing a blog late at night, when I should be asleep, and have to wake up early, go figure.

Also true to my normal fashion, I have been mulling this post over in my head for the past few days, and then read something which pretty much totally said exactly what I was going to say, but a lot better and in a lot less words.

Our churches are filled with people who outwardly look contented and at peace but inwardly are crying out for someone to love them . . . just as they are - confused, frustrated, often frightened, guilty and often unable to communicate even within their own families. But the other people in the church look so happy and contented that one seldom has the courage to admit his own deep needs before such a self-sufficient group as the average church meeting appears to be ~ Keith Miller

I'm not sure where the quote originated from, but it is one of the opening quotes for a book called "Messy Spirituality" by Michael Yaconelli, and the book is amazing, you need to check it out.

Anyone who's ridden in my car before can attest to the fact that I'm a messy guy, and I'm going to admit right now that my spiritual life is the same. I'm seriously all over the place with questions and doubts (especially doubts) and I've decided I'm no longer going to put up a facade.

I have doubts about God and Christianity. I honestly have doubts about God's love, his involvement in the world, and at some times if God even truly exists. I'm sick of forced smiles and small talk, and I'm sick of the same old boxed answers, even the ones I've given a hundred times before.

So now its officially out there, I'm a mess, and it brings me hope.